The most painful thing about caring is that many others do not. People will not be so deeply invested in your passions and concerns as you are, no matter how compelling an argument you have. No matter how much real pain you feel. No matter how clear the path to a solution could be if we joined together.
If I tell you that something’s important to me, how much of my own heart must I give up for you to see it? To validate it? What would convince you that it’s worthy enough? What line needs to be crossed for you to care? There are so many variables, so many past and present experiences that inform the way someone chooses to participate in caring.
I cannot be sure that what I convey to someone else will be deeply felt, heard, or even paid attention to. I cannot force someone to act, no matter how much of a difference it would make if they did. I cannot guarantee that who and what I love will be respected.
This is where the pain comes from.
Last week, I read a blog post by my friend, where she said, “The secret to a successful movement is letting your heart break”. My favorite people wear their heart on their sleeve with so much endurance. They keep loving and working and listening and caring. They are brave enough to form their own opinion based on empathy, and to keep going, despite the pain of being ignored and misunderstood.
One of the most loving, genuine things you can do for another person is to try to understand where their pain comes from and pay attention to it. To know that each movement stems from something bigger. To amplify an unheard voice and make room for others. To believe that each life is precious. To know that we are more connected than any of us can fathom. To take action.
I cannot control how you choose to act. I cannot control what you choose to hear. I cannot force you to take me or anyone else seriously. I can only urge you to listen, to employ humility, to accept that perhaps you have more still to learn.
I can only hope that one day you will understand.
https://5calls.org/issue/israel-palestine-gaza-war-hamas-ceasefire/
https://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/latest/us-must-call-immediate-ceasefire-gaza
https://www.jewishvoiceforpeace.org/resource-type/action-alerts/
Thank you, Nina, for writing this. Your words move me. We are all facing our own battles but taking time to stand together, even in separate fights, we see how we are all connected. 🫂
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One of my favorite quotes:
People can only meet you, as deeply as they’ve met themselves.
You are so right— so many variables.